25/W44

Got through another week, and it was a busy one. Watched six baseball games - one was 18 innings long. Went to a retirement party, two Hallowe’en parties, and performed in an improv showcase.

I have to be honest - it was too much of everything. Glad baseball is done. We lost, but we did it with an epic game. Will never forget watching it until the 11th inning of the 7th game, messaging my sister, grandma, aunt, and mother-in-law throughout. Surprisingly, I’m less sad than I thought I’d be. If there’s anyone I feel for, it’s the players. They seem to be a special group of people and were so close to achieving the big dream. Mostly, I’m happy I found my love for the game, and I’m excited to cheer them on next season. I’ve enjoyed sharing this World Series experience with my partner. Grown to really love some of the players and have a lot of respect for them.

Improv showcase went well. I felt a bit silly throughout it because I realized how far I have yet to go. I want to share this piece of myself with people because I feel it’s special, but it feels amateur and silly. I don’t want people to see me like this. Making amateurish art feels acceptable for children, but for adults? Seems like a waste of time to make something without any real end product. I get into a weird headspace: Why am I doing this? It’s so much of my energy and free time. I have to remind myself that I’m making something and connecting with strangers - and that was my original goal when I felt I was spending too much time consuming products and content on the internet.

Retirement party was surprisingly fun, despite not knowing the person who was retiring. Went because of office politics. Had great conversations with people, although a lot of people like to ask “So, what’s next?” and are surprised to hear that I’m happy where I am. I suppose it’s good to keep going up the career ladder, but what if I’m the happiest I’ve been and feel fulfilled in my current role? It doesn’t feel like this is an acceptable answer.

Received an embroidery kit in the mail. Had a blast working on it while watching How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days and binging the last bit of Nobody Wants This.

I am tired. Going to bed now.

Song: Alesis - Mk.gee